Life is Always a Spring Day
Jin Jung Kim, 37, Teacher
Once again, he was absorbed in basketball as he waited for me to get off from work. I was four years into my life as a young working woman; he was waiting for his first placement as a teacher. Both of us were past the worries our peers were going through, and our present and future together looked to be a happy one.
Six months had passed since we broke up and got back together. We saw each other nearly every day. After work we strolled along the most beautiful street and visited famous pubs. I was attracted to his comprehensive knowledge and progressive social consciousness. He said I had adorably cute expressions. He always listened to what I had to say and liked the fact we could communicate on the same level, despite my being five years younger. Of course there were days we fought, but the periods of distance didn’t last long, and our relationship grew to be stronger than before the fight.
That year’s monsoon was particularly long and there was a lot of rain. Every day came with bad weather. The waiting room of the Intensive Care Unit was full of tired, expressionless people with unkempt hair. I was there, along with his mother, father, younger sister, all of whom I had just met for the first time. In the next room, he was relying on a respirator, battling death. No, rather, he was heading towards death.
His illness came all too suddenly. On the hottest day of the year, he came to my house. He said he had a fever. I figured it was because of the heat. A bit later, he said he was cold. I gave him a warm blanket. A few days later, he was rushed away in an ambulance. After tests in the morning, I thought he would leave the hospital all better.
Two days after he was admitted to the hospital, I went to see him. He was diagnosed with malignant lymphoma. He was unconscious. However whenever treatment to remove something from his neck was performed, he would writhe in pain. The doctors said that even if he recovered, he would be handicapped. As the days passed, the doctors tried to persuade us to abandon hope. After I returned home, I got a phone call saying his situation was serious. Then another similar phone call came, and as I drove up to the hospital I found out he had passed away.
Maybe it was because of the absence of all the cumbersome machines, but he appeared peaceful as he lay there in the hospital bed. His chest still seemed warm. Could it be he was still alive…
After he passed away, the world was no longer like a bright spring day. I became the cynical self I had been before I met him. I comforted myself by telling myself I was never interested in love, that I didn’t need love. I resented him. I went on trips by myself and immersed myself in movies and music. I wanted to pour out my feelings for him from my heart. At the same time, I didn’t want to talk to anybody about him.
I ate, worked, and lived day to day in the same way, but every cell in my body felt full of sadness. I felt like crying whenever someone provoked me in the slightest.
Then a colleague recommended Maum Meditation to me. As I mediated, I threw away the ‘me’ that was holding onto him. I threw away the ‘me’ that lived in the memories of the short time spent with him. The places we went to together, the memory of him playing basketball, scattering his ashes along a riverbank, me as I cried and laughed, I threw it all away with my mind.
I thought I had truly loved him, but it turned out that wasn’t so. I had always received, wished for the void in me to be filled, wanted everyday to be fun. I was ashamed to realize the tears I had shed had actually been for myself, for me now that I lacked those things. I was wrong, I am sorry…. as I meditated I apologized with all of my heart.
It’s been nine years since he passed away. Now I can recall him with calmness. Now that I know where people come from and where they go, I know he has shed his hurting body and is in a good place. Now I live earnestly and in the present. Always.
By Kyung Sook Chang . <LOVE> 2010.
Wisdom of life through throwing away (21)
Subtraction Changes Me
My Tic Disorder has Disappeared
The looks in the kids’ eyes at school stayed with me and their remarks rang in my ears all day long. I became more and more sensitive. In order to fill the void, I paid more attention to my appearance. Does it look like I gained weight? What looks better on me? I questioned the people around me endlessly. Life with these never ending thoughts gave me stomach problems and I would come home and collapse into bed, dead tired.
One day as I sat at the breakfast table, my hand started to shake. “Why is my hand shaking?” My dad said it was because there are a lot of unpleasant things in my mind. Immediately tears welled in my eyes. He was right. At that time I was completely stressed out and very sensitive.
After that whenever I had to concentrate on something, my neck would start to tic. While waiting at a traffic light, waiting to get off the bus, waiting in the lunch line, whenever I felt like people were staring at me, even though I tried to stop it, my neck would twitch. Being afraid that people might look at me strange made the tic worse. I fervently wanted to throw away my troubled mind. I remembered my mom telling me about Maum Meditation and I decided to give it a try.
As I meditated and reflected on the past, I recalled an event from elementary school. I had played a secrets game with my friends, but foolishly divulged the secrets. After that I was shunned by my friends, made an outcast. That memory was very intense and after that I developed social anxiety. I also recalled a time in middle school when my friends made me out to be a weird person. Sometimes when my friends harassed me, I got so angry I wanted to beat them. However I even threw away those minds.
As I threw away I learned that those minds were false. I realized the reason for my tic was that I was too sensitive and too concerned with what other people thought. I thought that if I just threw those minds away, everything would be okay. I kept meditating during the school year and went to youth camp every break. When I returned to school my friends were shocked to see my skin had cleared up and my tic had disappeared. And I constantly surprised myself as I observed the changes in me that only I could see. Every meal used to be followed by stomach pain, but eventually I was able to eat and digest food with no trouble. I became able to respond to all the events that happened around me with composure. If anxiousness came up as I waited in the lunch line, I was able to remind myself “this doesn’t exist,” throw the mind away, and feel better. Now I don’t have to avoid traffic lights and bus stops. Because those minds don’t exist in the original mind, I can stand up to those minds and walk with confidence now.
These days there are students who suffer from violence in schools, but instead of brooding about it alone, they should ask for help from those around them and throw such minds away. This way they can learn that life is not only pain, and that there is hope.
Joo Hyun Choi, 17
Our Director of Academic Affairs Knows how to Liven up the Atmosphere
Young Sun Na, 51, Middle School Teacher
Our school’s Director of Academic Affairs, Mr. Cho, is an expert at mediation. The Director’s position requires one to be responsible for all administrative affairs and manage the relationships between the teachers, principal, and vice principal, as well as oversee the overall atmosphere of the school. Opinions often clash at school, just like any other workplace. In addition to guiding students, there are demands and tasks handed down from the local education office and the Ministry of Education, and taking into account the opinions of nearly fifty teachers and 30 classes of students, parents of students and making a compromising solution is no easy task. In particular, when there are instances of school violence, sometimes the parents’ involvement in the matter turns into bigger fights.
However, Director Cho was always able to turn those situations around and calm everyone down. It took less than five minutes for him to advise parents and meet with students to coolly counsel and coach them.
After working with Director Cho for over two years ago, I began to wonder how he was able to pacify people’s minds so well, so one day I approached and asked him.
Director Cho answered he had been practicing Maum Meditation for over three years. Every year he was Director of School Affairs, Director of Students, or pursued research, and also was a skilled teacher in his subject, but the constant focus on promotion caused Director Cho to become removed from his students. As he realized this he asked himself “What am I doing? How am I living” and began to feel extreme pessimism. It was then when he received a notice for a Maum Meditation Teacher’s Program and began Maum Meditation.
As he persistently emptied his mind, he began to understand people with the heart, not the head, and as he found this freedom he found it easy to mediate difficult situations.
As time passed, the changes in Director Cho were even more noticeable. His countenance was bright, voice confident, and his cheeriness could lead any atmosphere. And thanks to Director Cho’s suggestion, I, too, attended the Maum Meditation Teacher’s program last winter break.
In one week I learned, for the first time in my life, the way to empty the mind. The method was easy and simple enough for seventy, eighty year old grandmothers as well as children to practice, and immediately my mind became more at ease.
I was able to reflect deeply on my twenty-five years of life as a teacher. Instead of placing myself in my students’ shoes, my feelings, my thoughts always came first. I realized that all this time I had stored the impression of trouble-making students and had greeted with prejudice new students with similar attitudes. I had self-created this stress. I repented as I imagined how hard it must have been for my students.
After I finished the program and returned to school, I was free from the stored-up prejudices and stereotypes and was able to view my students from a completely new perspective. Teaching students became easier and because students felt more comfortable with me, the synergetic effect caused the overall stress in the class to decrease. Starting this semester I start each morning with twenty minutes of emptying the mind. I do this with the desire that school life be more enjoyable for these middle school students, who have so much school work and are sensitive due to adolescence.
This year, Director Cho was chosen to be Director for an unprecedented third year in a row. Always a “yes man”, with his dependable ability to liven the atmosphere and his characteristic sense of humor, I look forward to Director Cho creating a thoughtful school with his big and humble mind.
Dong Joon Kim ? Realization of the Complete Self
정리 김혜진 사진 홍성훈
As a science high school alum and KAIST University student, Dong Joon lived with “studying” as his life’s purpose and meaning. However the ever increasing academic competition, loneliness and sense of distance from friends, the fleeting happiness after achieving goals, and days where all that was left was emptiness led Dong Joon to wonder, “Why do I need to study so hard? Is this ultimately what happiness is?” After starting Maum Meditation in 2010 and destroying the barrier of “me,” Dong Joon learned how to treat people sincerely and the joy of sharing happiness. This is the story of one twenty-three year old’s realization of life’s real purpose.
I was always a quiet and passive kid; the only thing I was good at was studying, and this was how I wanted to be acknowledged. I figured this was the way to gain status; this was how I could accomplish anything. So I went to a science high school and got into KAIST University. I majored in mechanical engineering because I always enjoyed physics class. When you’re solving a problem and suddenly the answer falls into place… oh the bliss!
However, after a while, I became distressed. There was always so much studying to do. The minute I finished one assignment and could relax, there was another assignment, always another assignment, always having to study… In fact, I didn’t even know why I needed to study so hard.
I figured this was to be my life. Grad school after college, and even after I started working, I figured this was how I would live. To me, the CEOS of Fortune 500 companies or Bill Gates only seemed to live a difficult life, always competing; they didn’t seem that happy. If that was my fate, I began to wonder: why do I need to study so hard?
In fact, just like me students don’t know why they need to study. They do it because it’s habit, because they’ve done it this far. People think students from a top school like KAIST don’t worry about their future and that everything’s a done deal, but the truth is they are very insecure. They aren’t very good at things other than studying, so they fill that void with academics, but when they arrive at this school they painfully realize they fall behind in that area as well. Therefore, in my case, true friendships were difficult. I was always lonely because I thought of my friends as rivals.
Mealtimes in particular are when one needs a friend, and one’s pride wouldn’t allow eating alone, so meals were stressful. Everyone sends texts asking “Do you want to eat together? Do you have time?” Afraid they might end up eating alone, students get anxious.
I started Maum Meditation after seeing a Maum Meditation flier by chance the winter break of my senior year of college. The people in the flier looked so happy. I wondered if I too could change if I went here. I had heard that I was usually cold to people.
As I meditated, I truly saw myself for the first time. I thought I had taken on all of the work others didn’t want to do because I was good, but it was all just to look good. I had lived only for myself! The thought that if I didn’t finish this meditation, life will always be like this made the future look bleak.
I assumed that if I bought a friend a meal, he’d pay next time. I always reluctantly agreed to favors in case my friend would think badly of me. I didn’t stay in touch with people until I needed them. I saw how I had lived. There was nothing done for others, everything was calculated, only for me. I learned why personal relations were difficult. The only thing I could show off was studying and KAIST so instead of approaching people humanely, I started relationships by showing off. So I was harsh with my words, berated others, and was unable to be warm.
From beginning to end I continuously eliminated that “me” because I truly disliked myself. And I found the roots of my minds: because I had always been told I was a good student, that I was smart and polite, these compliments had only made me more proud. “I’m right, why are you like that?” I had only viewed the world with my fixed notions.
As I threw away those minds I learned how I should treat people. To be one means to stand in another’s shoes, but I didn’t know this. Now that I listen carefully to people from their perspective, I can hear the little things they say off-hand, and I can respond accordingly. Thanks to Maum Meditaiton, my relationships with my friends and younger sibling have improved. Before, I self-created barriers between me and others, and I said I was lonely, and I didn’t know the joy of being with others, but after I knocked down my mind I saw that people were always with me from the start.
As I meditated I found my purpose in life for the first time: to live not for me, but for others. I want to live helping the people around me find happiness. I already know how unhappy it is to live only for one’s self.
My heart aches when I see on the news stories of students taking their own lives. There is a way to escape from the troubling minds, but those students just didn’t know it. How painful and distressing must it have been for them to the very end.
I think I am now learning, for the first time, the way to live. I’m learning how to clean, how to cook, and how to talk with people. If my brain and a pen were all of me before, now I am realizing every moment that the basis of life is opening the mind and diligently moving the body. That is the start of an admirable life, lived not for me, but for others.
One’s Life After He Has Become Real
Drawings and writings by Woo Myung
None of the events and stories I had in my mind exists in the world; they are all illusions I made. I had stored everything in my mind, and I had lived within it, but now, that world and I do not exist, and the real world – the source – that is existence and the origin remains. I am born from the origin, and my Soul and Spirit is the incarnation of the origin. Because I do not exist, it is freedom; and because I do not exist, it is liberation and great rest. The Creator created the world and he also created man. The Creator must come to the world in human form, for all people to be resurrected as the Creator’s children in the land of the Creator and for man and the world to be born in the real world. Isn’t it a miracle of miracles that this can happen? That man can become complete and live forever is a true miracle, but because man who is false does not know Truth, he does not know what to believe and what is actually true. Shouldn’t we be thankful to the origin, and acknowledge this inconceivable grace – this debt of having become Truth, by becoming of one mind with the will of the origin, and dedicate our whole lives to saving world and its people by helping them to be resurrected and make this world a heaven and paradise?
Now that I have discarded everything and I do not exist, the world is the living heaven, and this itself is eternal blessing and happiness. My mind that had nowhere to go no matter where I went, my mind that only sought to gain, now that it has become Truth and gained everything, it does not lack anything, and all delusional thoughts have completely disappeared, and the five desires and seven sins no longer exist.
I am so thankful; there is only thankfulness, 
because none of this was achieved by me, it was all done for me by Truth. Just as it was done unconditionally and without expectations of anything in return, I will live saving the world, also without the mind that I do so. Casting off the meaningless affairs of human life, and amassing blessings in the land of Truth, is what a wise person, a person of Truth, does. It is in heaven that you must have power, by amassing your blessings in that everlasting land. This is what it means when it is said, that the wise store their treasures in heaven, while fools store their treasure on earth. Because I do not exist, it is great freedom, and the world is the land without death, where one knows all the ways of the world. Only a person who lives in that land, knows man’s importance and worth, and the meaning of life.
Man who is at the crossroads of life and death should not hesitate;
he should be born in the world that is true. Looking back from that world, the affairs of human life were all foolish, and now that my false self, the ghost, has gone, there are no regrets at all. It was truly difficult to get rid of myself, and it is amazing and a relief that I have disappeared. I do not even want to look back. My regrets and sighs have fled, and all suffering and burdens have gone. I had tried to gain Truth holding onto myself, but now that I have gone, I have become Truth and my Soul and Spirit of Truth is now truly reborn. Like the bird that flies in the sky, like all things that exist in the world, I can just live, I can lay down all minds. I live having become the mind of nature. It is so wonderful, that I will dedicate my whole body and the rest of my lifetime, to helping people to come to this world.
Woo Myung founded Maum Meditation. For his outstanding dedication to the service of humanity, he was awarded the Mahatma Gandhi Peace Award by the United Nations International Association of Educators for World Peace (IAEWP) in 2002. He is the author of numerous books including World Beyond World and The Way To Become A Person In Heaven While Living which have been published in English. His other books, Where You Become True Is The Place Of Truth, Heaven’s Formula For Saving The World, The Living Eternal World, The Book Of Wisdom, Mind, Nature’s Flow and The Enlightened World are in the process of being translated into English as well as Chinese, French, German, Italian, Japanese, Portuguese, Spanish and Swedish.
동네 노는 아저씨의 친절한 고민 상담소
20대 중반 여성입니다. 저는 눈꺼풀은 처져 있고, 코는 눌려 있어요.
외모를 가지고 놀림도 당하고, 아무렇지 않은 척 웃지만, 그럴 때마다 주눅이 들고,
사람들 앞에서 자신이 없습니다. 주위에 성형을 해서, 정말 예뻐진 사람들을 보면
저도 정말 정말 성형을 하고 싶어요. 그런데 보수적인 아빠는 절대로 반대를 합니다.
하지만 저는 이대로는 자신이 없습니다.
점심시간 직장 동료가 신문에 숨은그림찾기를 하고 있습니다. 한참 진도를 못 나가서 어깨너머로 백조 한 마리를 찾아줬습니다. 그랬더니 고개를 갸웃거리며 “이건 백조가 아니라 오리 같은데?” 하길래 한마디 해줬습니다. “숨은그림찾기가 무슨 극사실주의 작품이냐? 누가 순천만 흑두루미 찾으래? 대충 민머리에 주디 튀어나오면 백조나 오리지. 동그라미 쳐~”
처진 눈꺼풀과 눌린 코 때문에 성형을 고민 중이시군요. 세상이 숨은그림찾기의 그림처럼 대충 백조든 오리든 동그라미 치는 세상이면 얼마나 좋을까요.^^ 하지만 현실은 그렇지 않죠. 백조까지는 바라지 않아도 예쁜 오리 정도는 바라는 게 현실입니다.
그럼 성형을 해야 되냐 말아야 되냐 이런 애매한 상황 기준 정해 드리겠습니다. 자신의 얼굴을 가장 모르는 사람이 본인 자신입니다. 항상 평면에 비친 얼굴만 보게 되고 단점만 눈에 들어오다 보니 스스로 착각하기 쉬운 게 본인 얼굴이라 주위에서 너 누구 닮았다고 하면 대부분의 사람이 의아해합니다. 자신의 얼굴을 모른다는 거죠.
고민하실 필요 없이 주위 사람 20~30명에게 물어보세요. 70~80%가 성형을 권하면 용기를 가지고 무리해서라도 하세요. 반대로 70~80%가 반대하면 굳이 하실 필요 없습니다. 어중간하게 나오면 시간적 여유 가지시고 주머니 사정, 시술 부위 등 이모저모 잘 따져보세요. 주위 사람들은 고민녀님의 전체적인 조화까지 볼 수 있는 사람들이기 때문에 스스로의 판단보다 더 정확할 겁니다. 그리고 아버님 문제는 넉넉잡고 한 달간 아버님 얼굴 특정 부위 트집 잡으세요. 예를 들어 머리가 크다든지 콧구멍이 짝짝이라든지. 아버님이 짜증 내시면 그때 말하세요. 저는 이런 놀림을 20여 년간 받아왔고 앞으로 70년을 더 받고 살 거라고.
동료가 놓고 간 신문의 숨은그림찾기에서 오리처럼 보이던 백조 머리에 왕관 하나를 그려 넣었습니다. 약간의 성형(?)을 했더니 이제 누가 봐도 백조네요.^^
동네 노는 아저씨 백일성. 올해 나이 42세. 동갑내기 아내와 중딩 남매 그리고 1930년대생 부모님과 함께 한집에서 박 터지게 살고 있음. 3년 전 우연히 포털사이트 다음 아고라 이야기 방에 ‘나야나’라는 필명으로 박 터지게 살아가는 이야기를 글로 남기게 됨. 2009년에는 <나야나 가족 만만세>라는 수필집도 발간했음.
KOICA 해외 봉사로 제2의 인생 시작한 신찬수씨
취재 문진정
치열한 일터에서 물러나 손자들의 재롱을 즐길 나이에, 편안한 노후를 마다하고 해외 오지에서 새로운 인생을 시작한 사람이 있습니다. 필리핀에서, 그리고 네팔에서 ‘성자’라 불리며 8년간 봉사 활동을 해온 신찬수(71)씨입니다.
‘못 먹고 못살았던’ 1950년대, 전북 부안의 어촌 마을에서 어린 시절을 보낸 신찬수씨는 가난 때문에 서러움을 겪는 이웃들의 모습을 보며 늘 측은하고 안타까운 마음이 컸다 합니다. 자연스레 농촌 지도자의 길로 들어섰고, 당시 미국에서 파견된 평화봉사단 단원들은 그에게 선망의 대상이 되었지요.
그렇게 해외 봉사의 오랜 꿈을 키워온 신찬수씨는 31년간의 공무원 생활을 마친 후 틈틈이 영어와 전문지식을 공부하여 한국국제협력단(KOICA)에 지원했습니다. 그리고 2001년 당시 최고령 봉사 단원으로 뽑히게 됩니다.
“한국 전쟁 직후엔 우리나라가 말도 못하게 가난했어요. 그때 선진국의 원조 덕분에 잘 살게 되었으니 하나라도 보답을 해야겠다 생각을 했습니다.”
첫 근무지인 필리핀에서 그는 가난한 어촌 마을을 1순위로 선택했습니다. 이곳 주민들은 그에게 고향의 이웃이나 마찬가지였습니다. 한국의 발전 사례를 보여주며 주민들을 설득했고 도로를 넓히고 우물을 파는 등 그간 쌓아온 농촌 운동의 경험을 모두 쏟아 제2의 새마을 운동을 펼쳤습니다. 그 결과 4년 후에는 그 지역 최우수 마을로 선정될 만큼 많은 발전이 있었지요. 그 외에도 자신의 생활비를 모아 형편이 어려운 학생들의 장학금을 마련해주기도 했습니다. “이 아이들이 자라서 필리핀을 짊어지고 갈 생각을 하니 생활은 좀 불편해도 마음만은 가뿐했다”는 신찬수씨. 그의 헌신적인 노력은 현지 신문 1면에 보도되기도 했습니다.
4년간의 활동을 마치고 귀국한 그는 세계 최빈국이었던 네팔에 관한 기사를 읽고 4개월 만에 다시 출국을 결심합니다. 해외에 다녀올 때마다 부쩍 야위어가는 모습에 아내와 두 아들은 만류했지만 ‘세상은 넓고 할 일은 많다’는 그의 굳은 의지를 꺾지는 못했습니다.
다행히 네팔에서 생활하는 4년 동안에는 한 번도 앓아누운 적이 없을 정도로 건강했습니다. 또한 정신적으로도 더 많은 것을 배우고 깨닫는 시간이었다 말합니다.
“처음엔 네팔 사람들에 대해 불만이 많았어요. 밭을 공들여 일궈서 작물을 심어놨는데 정작 농약도, 비료도 주지 않고 방치해 잡초가 무성하고는 했거든요. 그런데 그 잡초로 염소를 키우는 게 소득에 훨씬 도움이 된다는 걸 뒤늦게 알고서는, 나이를 먹고 경험이 많을수록 오히려 상대를 더욱 존중하고 겸손해야 하는구나 다시금 느꼈었지요.”
2011년, 8년의 봉사 활동을 마치고 돌아온 그에게는 해외 봉사 자문단이라는 새로운 꿈이 생겼습니다. 지금까지의 경험이 후배들에게 조금이나마 도움이 되길 바라는 마음에서입니다. 지금은 대학원에서 사회복지학을 배우며 전문가 과정을 준비 중이라는 신찬수씨. 그에게 있어 배움과 봉사는 삶의 이유이며 기쁨인 듯합니다.
“세 살배기 손자에게도 모르는 건 배워야지요. 배움에는 부끄러운 게 없어요. 그리고 평생 배운 것을 어디든 쓸 수 있다면 그게 큰 보람이지요. 남은 인생도 해외 봉사하면서 후배들에게 용기를 주고 싶습니다.”
신찬수님은 31년간 농촌지도공무원으로 일한 후 2001년 KOICA 봉사 단원에 지원하여 필리핀과 네팔에서 봉사 활동을 했습니다. 그 공로를 인정받아 제6회 해외봉사상 대통령상을 비롯하여 다수의 상을 수상했습니다. 현재 원광대 대학원에서 사회복지학을 공부하며 해외 봉사 전문가 과정을 준비하고 있습니다.
내가 먼저 나를 온전히 내던질 때 시작되는 진정한 믿음의 힘, 그 첫 번째 이야기입니다.
두 명씩 짝을 지어 한 사람은 받쳐주고, 한 사람은 뒤로 넘어지는 게임이 있습니다. 불안에 떨지 않고 완전히 넘어진다는 것은 상대가 나를 받쳐줄 것이라 믿을 때라야 가능한 것이지요. 삶에서, 일상에서, 그렇게 서로 믿을 수 있는 사람이 있다면 얼마나 행복할까요. ‘만일 너희에게 겨자씨 한 알만큼의 믿음만 있어도 이 산을 명하여 여기서 저기로 옮겨지라 하면 옮겨질 것이요, 또 너희가 못 할 것이 없으리라’는 성경 말씀이 있습니다. 내가 먼저 나를 온전히 내던질 때 진정한 믿음은 시작되는 것 같습니다. 믿음으로 몸 마음이 치유되고, 불가능을 가능케 했다는 사례는 참으로 많습니다. 믿음의 힘, 그 첫 번째 이야기입니다. <편집자 주>
★ 누가 믿음이 있다고 말하면서 실천이 없으면 무슨 소용이 있겠습니까? 그러한 믿음이 그 사람을 구원할 수 있겠습니까? 어떤 형제나 자매가 헐벗고 그날 먹을 양식조차 없는데, 여러분 가운데 누가 그들의 몸에 필요한 것은 주지 않으면서, “평안히 가서 몸을 따뜻이 녹이고 배불리 먹으시오” 말한다면, 무슨 소용이 있겠습니까?
이와 마찬가지로 믿음에 실천이 없으면 그러한 믿음은 죽은 것입니다.
_ 미국의 자동차 왕 헨리 포드
★ “내가 살아오는 동안, 나는 허황된 계획을 꾸민 적도 있었고, 실현 불가능한 꿈을 가진 때도 있었소. 그러나 아내는 한 번도 불평을 하지도, 의심하지도 않았을 뿐만 아니라, 언제나 나를 믿어주었답니다. 오늘의 내가 있을 수 있었던 것은 바로 그렇게 나를 믿어준 아내의 덕입니다. 그리고 그것이 나의 가장 큰 기쁨이지요. 어떠한 상황에서도 자기를 믿어주는 한 사람이 있다는 것은 참으로 든든한 일입니다.”
_ 야고보서 2장 14-17
★
하나의 목소리를 내는 것 배신하지 않는 것 오락가락 왔다 갔다 변하지 않는 것 멀리 떨어져 있어도 한결같은 것 손짓, 발짓… 상대를 위해 뭔가 하려고 계속 노력하는 것 믿기 어려울 때 더욱 믿음을 갖는 것 기존의 관념조차 뛰어넘는 것 내가 손해를 볼지라도 진실로 나를 던지는 것 내가 없어지는 것 그 사람을 위해 희생해도 즐거운 것 기쁜 소식을 전하는 것 언제나 감사하는 것 나보다 상대가 더 소중한 것 우리가 하나임을 믿는 것
_‘믿음’을 떠올리며
★ 사람으로서 믿음(信)이 없으면 그 사람됨을 도무지 알 길이 없다. 큰 수레에 끌채고리(?)가 없고, 작은 수레에 연결고리(?)가 없다면 무엇으로써 그 수레를 갈 수 있게 한단 말인가?(子曰 人而無信?不知其可也. 大車無小車無?其何以行之哉)
_ 공자
★ 어린 시절에 사랑하고 사랑받았던 경험은 평생을 간다.
우리에게 훌륭하고 멋진 엄마와 온전히 하나가 되었던 어린 시절을 떠올리게 한다. 어린 시절, 좋은 양육자와 애착 관계를 맺었다면, 어른이 된 뒤에도 좋은 짝을 만날 확률이 높으며 애정을 유지하기 위해 환상에 기댈 필요가 없어진다. 어린 시절, 사랑하고 사랑받은 경험. 그에 버금가는 것이 ‘믿어준’ 경험이다. 나의 재능을 믿어주고 나의 꿈을 믿어준 사람, 그렇게 믿어준 부모나 스승과 더불어 온전히 하나가 된 경험, 그 경험이 평생 동안 나를 만들어간다. 많은 사람들의 사랑과 존중을 한 몸에 받는 사람으로 이끌어간다.
_ 샌디 호치키스
★ 환자에게서 ‘믿음’을 배우다
어느 날 십 년째 이명증을 앓고 있는 40대 여자 환자 한 분이 찾아왔다. 이명(耳鳴)으로 여러 의료 기관에서 치료를 받다 오셨는데, 어떻게든 치료받고 싶은 간절한 환자를 보니, 나 역시 어떻게든 치료해주고 싶다는 마음이 더욱 생겼다. 이야기를 들어보니, 최근에 스트레스를 엄청나게 받고 있었다. 일단 수면 시간을 늘리고, 평상시 스트레스를 해소할 수 있는 방법을 알려드렸다. 환자는 진심으로 나의 처방을 믿고 따랐다. 약도 잘 먹고 매사 긍정적으로 생각하려고 노력을 했다. 그 이후 스트레스로 인한 증세들이 없어졌다.
문제는 고질적으로 있었던 이명이었다. “이 병을 낫는 것은 시간이 걸린다, 같이 힘을 합쳐 물리쳐 보자”며 꾸준히 반신욕을 하고 운동도 열심히 하는 등 생활 습관을 바꾸라고 권했다. 보통 습관을 바꾸는 것은 너무 어려운 일인데, 그분은 하나하나 열심히 실천했다. 그만큼 의사의 말을 믿으신 것이다. 그 결과 6개월 만에 이명이 완전히 없어졌다.
치료를 할 때 의사와 환자와의 믿음은 큰 힘을 발휘한다. 환자가 얼마나 의사를 믿느냐, 또 의사가 얼마나 자신의 처방으로 환자가 나을 것이라 믿느냐에 따라 치료의 결과는 완전히 달라진다. 환자를 무거운 물건을 혼자 밀어야 하는 사람이라 친다면, 어느 방향으로 밀어야 할지 살짝 도와주는 사람이 바로 의사다. 결국 몸을 치유하는 것은 환자 자신인 것이다.
의사 생활을 하면서, 아무리 난치병이라 해도 의사가 정성을 다하고 환자가 마음을 열고 최선을 다하면 병마를 이겨낼 수 있는 경우를 많이 본다.
학창 시절 교수님은 “첫째는 한의학에 대한 믿음이 있어야 한다. 그다음에는 환자와의 소통이 중요하다”라고 늘 강조하셨다. 첫째는 자신이 하고 있는 것에 대한 믿음, 그다음에는 환자를 아끼고 진심으로 낫기를 바라는 마음을 갖는 것이 중요하다는 것이다.
이것은 어떤 일을 할 때도 마찬가지인 것 같다. 내가 할 수 있음을 믿고, 내 안의 본성이 나를 이끌어줄 것임을 믿고, 함께하는 사람을 믿을 때, 그 마음이 진심일 때,
어떤 어려운 상황도 헤쳐갈 수 있는 것이다. _ 서정성 / 한의사
우리 교무부장님은 분위기 메이커
나영선 51세. 전남중학교 교사
우리 학교에는 조율의 달인 조대웅 교무부장님이 있다. 한 학교의 교무부장이라 하면 모든 행정 문제를 책임지고 선생님들과 교장, 교감 선생님과의 관계를 조정하는 중간 관리자 역할이면서, 학교 전체 분위기를 좌우하는 사람이다. 여느 직장과 마찬가지로 학교에서도 의견 충돌은 종종 일어난다. 아이들 지도뿐 아니라 교육청이나 교육부에서 내려오는 요구 사항과 업무도 대단히 많은데, 50명 가까이 되는 선생님과 30개 학급의 학생들, 학부모들의 의견을 모아 합리적인 방안을 도출해낸다는 게 보통 어려운 일이 아니기 때문이다. 특히 학교 폭력이 문제가 될 때 부모님들이 관여하면서 어른들 싸움이 더 크게 벌어지기도 한다.
하지만 조선생님은 그런 험한 상황에서도 재빨리 ‘돌변’하여 언제 그랬냐는 듯이 마음의 안정을 찾는 분이었다. 부드러운 상담으로 부모들을 이해시키고, 학생들은 따로 불러서 차분하게 코칭하는 등 마음을 안정시키기까지 걸리는 시간이 채 5분을 넘지 않았다.
2년 넘게 조선생님과 근무해오면서 ‘저 선생님은 어떻게 저렇게 마음을 잘 다스릴까’ 하는 궁금증이 커졌고 하루는 선생님을 붙잡고 물었다.
그러자 조선생님은 3년 전부터 마음수련을 하고 있다고 했다. 매년 쉴 틈 없이 교무·연구·학생 부장을 번갈아 맡아오면서 교과 수업에서는 내로라하는 실력을 갖추었지만, 승진에 매달리며 아이들과 점점 멀어지는 자신을 보며 ‘도대체 뭐하고 사는 건가’ 하는 회의감도 컸던 차 학교로 날아온 ‘교원자율연수’ 공문을 보고 마음수련을 시작했다는 것이다.
그리고 꾸준히 마음을 버리니 머리가 아닌 마음으로 상대방을 이해하게 되면서 여유가 생겼고, 어떤 상황에서도 마음을 다스리는 일이 전혀 어렵지 않아졌다고 했다.
그 후에도 시간이 갈수록 조선생님의 변화는 두드러졌다. 밝은 얼굴과 자신감 넘치는 목소리, 분위기를 주도하는 명랑함까지. 그리고 그런 조선생님의 권유로 나 역시 지난겨울 마음수련 교원자율연수에 참가하게 되었다.
생전 처음으로 마음을 빼는 방법을 배웠던 1주일. 칠팔십 대 할머니도 아이들도 누구나 할 수 있을 정도로 방법은 간단하고 쉬웠고 마음은 금세 편안해졌다.
25년간의 교편생활을 깊이 있게 돌아보았다. 아이들 입장에 서기보다 내 감정, 내 생각이 항상 우선이었다. 그동안 아이들의 안 좋은 수업 태도를 마음에 담고 있었으니 비슷한 모습만 봐도 오해가 생기고, 스스로 스트레스를 만들었다는 것을 알게 됐고, 우리 아이들이 얼마나 힘들었을까 반성이 많이 되었다.
수련을 마치고 다시 학교로 돌아왔을 때는 이제까지 쌓아왔던 선입견에서 벗어나 완전 새로운 시각으로 아이들을 바라볼 수 있었다. 지도하는 것이 편안해지니 아이들도 나를 편하게 대했고 반 전체의 스트레스가 줄어드는 상승 작용이 일어났다. 이번 학기부터 매일 아침 20분간 마음 버리기를 한다. 공부거리도 많고 사춘기라 예민한 중학생 때에 마음을 빼기하는 방법을 알고 조금이나마 즐거운 학교생활을 했으면 하는 바람에서다.
올해도 여전히, 하지만 이례적으로 조대웅 선생님은 3년째 교무부장을 맡으셨다. 언제나 Yes를 외치는 예스맨이자 분위기 메이커 역할을 톡톡히 하셨듯이 올해도 특유의 유머러스함과 더 크고 겸손한 마음으로 배려심 가득한 학교로 만들어주길 기대해본다.
스팸깻잎주먹밥
스팸깻잎주먹밥은 ‘무스비’라는 하와이 음식에서 유래한 네모난 김밥입니다. 집에 있는 재료 중에 배합이 잘 맞는 것으로 스팸과 깻잎을 골라봤어요. 하지만 이외에도 좋아하는 재료 뭐든지 선택하셔도 됩니다. 재료가 간단해서 부담도 없고, 특별한 조리가 들어가지 않기 때문에 싱글들도, 초보 엄마들도 예쁜 소풍 도시락을 만들 수 있답니다.
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스팸 싱글 1개, 깻잎 8장, 통깨 약간, 밥 1과 1/3공기, 참기름 약간
{ 만들기 }
① 스팸은 반으로 잘라 마른 팬에 굽는다. ② 깻잎은 세로로 칼집을 낸 뒤 돌돌 말아 썬다. 밥에 깻잎, 통깨와 참기름을 넣고 버무린다. ③ 비닐을 깐 뒤 ①의 스팸보다 조금 넓은 면적으로 ②의 밥을 깐다. 스팸을 올리고 다시 스팸 두께 정도의 밥을 올린다. ④ 비닐을 접어 네모반듯한 모양이 되도록 누른다. ⑤ 먹기 좋은 크기로 썬다.
밥과 속의 양념 간을 잘 맞추는 것, 네모 각을 잘 맞추는 것이 중요합니다.
문인영님은 대학에서 식품영양학을 전공하고 현재 푸드스타일리스트로 활동 중입니다. 다양한 잡지와 방송매체를 통해서 메뉴 개발과 스타일링을 맡고 있으며 저서로 <싱글만찬> <다이어트 야식> <메뉴 고민 없는 매일 저녁밥>이 있습니다.