Posts by "월간마음수련"

마음빼기 인터뷰 마음빼기 인터뷰2

치과 의사 윤진영씨

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치과 의사 윤진영씨
치과 의사 윤진영(39)씨의 꿈은 ‘자유로운 삶’이었습니다. 매스컴에서 보이는 것처럼 커리어우먼이 되면 그렇게 될 수 있을 것 같아, 치과 의사가 되고 학회 활동과 봉사 활동을 열심히 하며 인정도 받습니다. 하지만 어느 순간부터인가 어깨를 짓누르는 듯한 마음의 무게를 감당하기 어려웠지요. 마음을 버리며 그녀는, 진정한 자유란 성공과 행복, 명예를 좇는, 바로 그 ‘나’가 없을 때 찾아든다는 걸 알게 됩니다. 이제 10년 전, 처음 병원을 개원했을 때의 그 행복과 설렘으로 매일매일 환자를 만나고 있다는, 그녀의 마음 빼기 이야기입니다.

저는 교정 전문 치과 의사입니다. 개원을 한 지 벌써 10년이 다 되어가네요. 저희 병원 곳곳엔 그림이며 인형들이 있습니다. 환자분들이 선물로 주신 거예요. 교정 치료는 대개 2~3년 걸리기 때문에 환자분들과도 마치 가족 같아지지요. 마냥 답답해서 늘 벗어나고 싶었던 이 공간이, 이렇게 가장 소중한 곳이 되었다는 것도 저에겐 참으로 감사한 일입니다.

저는 딸만 셋인 집안의 장녀로 자랐어요. 아버지가 사업을 하시다 보니 언제 어떻게 될지 모르는 불안감에다가 장녀로서의 책임감도 있었죠. 근데 현실에 처한 제 모습은 맘에 안 들었습니다. 몸이 약해서 며칠간 학교에 못 간 적도 많았으니까요. 그러다 보니 어릴 때부터 삶이 참 허무했어요. 나는 아무것도 할 수 없다는 생각에 사는 게 재미가 없었습니다. 다른 사람들은 행복하게 열심히 사는데 난 왜 그러지 못할까? 어떻게 하면 이 삶을 지탱해 나갈 수 있을까? 늘 고민이었죠. 치대에 간 것도 그런 허무함에서 벗어나 좀 현실적으로 살아보고 싶어서였어요. TV에 나오는 커리어우먼처럼 살면 재밌지 않을까 생각했거든요.

근데 막상 치대 공부가 잘 맞지 않았어요. 무엇보다 학업 경쟁이 치열해서 애환이 많았죠. 게다가 미래도 제가 꿈꾸는 세상과는 동떨어진 거예요. 하루 종일 조그만 병원에서 있어야 하는 답답함. 넓은 세상을 누비면서 살고 싶었는데 그게 안 되니까 힘들었죠.

그런 어느 날, 본과 4학년 졸업을 앞두고 지도교수님께서 교정연구회에서 치아 교정을 배워보는 게 어떠냐고 권유해주셨어요. 이거다 싶었죠. 저도 어릴 때 치열이 고르지 못해서 잘 웃지 못한 게 콤플렉스였거든요. 제 자신이 환자였고 교정해서 좋아졌으니까, 환자들한테 해드릴 게 많겠다는 생각이 들었어요. 또 학술 교류 세미나라든지 해외에 나가 배울 기회도 많았고, 그 기술을 중국이나 중앙아시아 같은 곳에도 나눠주는 봉사 활동도 했습니다. 실제로 배움에 목말랐기 때문에 배울 수 있는 기회가 있는 곳은 다 다녔어요.

그러다 2002년 스물아홉에 치과를 개원하였습니다. 치아 교정하면서 어두웠던 환자분 얼굴이 밝아지고, 취업이 잘돼 행복해하시는 걸 보니까 정말 보람 있었어요. 그렇게 2~3년이 지나면서 환자도 점점 많아지고, 해외 활동도 왕성하게 하면서 인정받는데도, 이상하게 어깨 위로 짐 덩어리가 짓누르는 것 같은 거예요. 마치 쇠사슬로 칭칭 감긴 느낌이랄까. 항상 마음이 쪼이고 부담스럽고 쫓기는 기분….

처음엔 병원을 운영하면서 책임지는 게 많아지니까 그러나 보다 했어요. 그렇게 몸 마음이 지쳐갈 때 문득 마음수련이 떠올랐어요. 자기 개발 세미나에서 알게 된 분을 통해 우연히 들었거든요. 너무 지쳐서 쉬고 싶은 마음에 동네에 있는 지역 수련원에 찾아갔어요.

수련을 하며 돌아보니 하루 24시간을 바쁘게 안 살면 도태되고, 큰일 나는 줄 알았더라고요. 하나라도 더 배워야 한다는 강박관념, 해외 활동을 많이 하려면 체력도 좋고 언어도 잘해야 하는데, 몸이 약해서 못 따라가니까 몸이 망가지고 있었어요. 그동안 얼마나 몸을 혹사시켰는지 수련할 때는 온몸이 몸살 난 것처럼 아프더라고요.

근데 계속 수련을 하다 보니 힘든 기억들이 아련해지면서 몸도 편안해지기 시작했어요. 그때부터 이건 정말 해야 하는 거구나, 이거 아니면 인생의 해답을 풀 방법이 없겠구나 싶어 더 열심히 수련했죠. 그랬더니 어느 순간부터 너무 편안해지면서 신기하게도 나를 짓누르던 쇠사슬이 풀려나가는 느낌이었어요.

저는 정말 자유롭게 살고 싶었거든요. 근데 우주 입장에서 살아온 삶을 돌아보니그동안 ‘나’란 좁은 의식에 갇혀 그 안에서 살려고 발버둥치고 있더라고요. 나는 행복해야 하고, 자유로워야 하고, 돈도 많이 벌어야 하고, 인정받아야 한다면서. 바로 그 ‘나’가 자유를 구속하고 있다는 것, 그 나가 없으면 나 자체가 세상이고, 세상 자체가 자유라는 걸 마음을 버리면서 알게 되었습니다. 전엔 원하는 것 사고, 가고 싶은 데 가는 게 자유인 줄 알았는데, 진정한 자유란 내가 없을 때 있는 거였어요.

그 후부터는 병원에서 하루 종일 환자를 대해도 마음속 깊이 자유와 행복이 샘솟았습니다. 그것은 지금까지 ‘나’라고 생각해온 나의 마음들. 자존심, 명예, 욕심 등을 하나씩 버릴수록 느껴지는 정말 기적과 같은 일이었어요.

결국 마음수련이 말하는, 인간마음으로 살아온 ‘나’는 다 버리고 ‘우주마음’으로 산다는 건 내 앞에 어떤 사람이 있든 또 어떤 조건이 오든, 세상 마음이 되어 상대를 받아주고 수용하게 되는 것이더라고요.

사실 의사라는 직업이 스트레스가 많아요. 잘해야 한다는 강박관념에다 환자들의 기대치도 있으니까요. 또한 항시 응급 상황이 발생할 수 있는 데다, 수많은 병원들과의 경쟁 속에서 살아남아야 한다는 부담감도 있습니다. 그렇게 불안한 마음 한편으로, ‘난 의사다’ 하는 잘난 마음도 있다 보니, 환자에게 겉으론 친절해도 스스로 불편함이 있었어요.

근데, 그런 마음을 버린 만큼 분별이나 가식이 없어지니까, 환자의 고충을 잘 듣고 도와드리게 되고, 말 한마디도 따듯하게 해드리게 되더라고요. 그러다 보니 환자분들이 입소문으로 찾아오시거나 다른 병원에서 추천해주셔서 오시기도 해요.

이렇게 지금처럼 내가 머무는 곳에서 최선을 다하고, 세상과 교류하고 나누며 살면 되는 거였는데 항상 먼 곳만 보고 살았구나…. 비로소 제자리를 찾은 기분입니다.

사람으로 이 세상에 태어난 이유가 누구나 있잖아요. 왜 사는지 모르고 휩쓸려 살다가 그렇게 죽는 건 아닌 거 같아요. 진짜 삶의 의미를 알고 내가 어디서 왔고, 어디로 가는가를 아는 게 사람의 도리인데, 그걸 모르고 사니까 참 힘들고 괴로웠더라고요. 그 도리를 알고 나니까 상식적으로 사는 게 뭔지를 알게 되고, 살아가는 게 자연스러워지는 거 같아요. 남보다 잘나가는 게 행복이 아니라, 그냥 지금 내 옆에 있는 형제, 이웃끼리 따듯한 밥, 따듯한 체온을 나누고 살면 되는 거였는데, 그런 소소한 행복을 이제야 조금씩 알아가고 있어요.

이제 진짜 의사가 된 기분입니다. 10년 전, 처음 개원해 설레는 맘으로 환자를 보고 좋아지는 모습에 진심으로 기뻐했던, 그 초심을 비로소 되찾게 된 거죠.(웃음)

정리 김혜진 & 사진 홍성훈

막내 권수정 코디네이터(좌)와, 병원 개원부터 10년간 함께 일해온 치위생사 양영숙 실장(우). 현재 양영숙 실장은 함께 마음수련을 하고 있기도 하다.

나를 돌아보다

나눔의 품격에 대하여

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나눔의 품격에 대하여

누군가와 자신의 것을 나누는 것은 참 좋은 마음입니다.

하지만 그에도 지켜야 할 품격과 예의는 있다 합니다.

도움받는 당사자가 상처받지 않게 해야 하는 것이지요.

따라서 누군가에게 도움을 주고자 할 때는

상대의 마음까지 잘 살펴야 하고,

베푼 다음에는 전혀 대가를 바라지 않을 때만이

진정한 베풂이라 할 수 있습니다.

성경에 “오른손이 한 일을 왼손이 모르게 하라”는 말이 있습니다.

그 말은 단순히 내가 한 일을 생색내거나 자랑하지 말고

겸손히 아무도 모르게 하라는 말이 아니라,

그 사실을 나조차도 모르게 하라는 말일 것입니다.

오른손처럼 왼손도 내 몸이니까요.

그것은 무엇을 ‘했다’ 하는 마음이 완전히 없을 때 가능합니다.

 

때문에 언제나 내 마음부터 버려야 하는 것 같습니다.

한 자락의 마음도 없이 베푸는 것,

참으로 ‘해준 바’ 없고 ‘한 바’가 없는 것이,

참 나눔이며 참사랑이 아닐까요.

마음특강

세상이 하나임 아는 것은

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이 세상은 하나이나 인간의 마음이 수만 가지로 보는 것은

인간의 마음이 수만 가지여서라.

인간의 마음은 원래가 미완성인 인간의 자식으로부터 태어나

완성인 세상의 것을 자기 마음속에

눈, 코, 귀, 입, 몸에 의하여 사진을 찍어왔다.

세상과 겹쳐진 이 마음의 세계는 인간이 만든 세상, 복사된 세상이다.

허상의 그 세상 속에 허상을 만들어가며 살고 있는 것이 인간이다.

그러기에 ‘마음이 가난한 자는 복이 있나니

천국이 저희 것이다’고 하는 것은 이 거짓인 자기의 마음을 다 버리면

바로 천국인 참세상이 자기 것이 된다는 뜻이다.

마음을 비우라, 닦으라는 말도 이 거짓의 마음인

세상의 적인, 본래를 등진 이 마음을 버리고 죽이라는 것이다.

이 마음은 자기 편협적이고 이기적인 마음으로 자기중심적이어서

이것이다 저것이다가 있고, 맞다 안 맞다, 틀렸다 옳다가 있고,

좋고 나쁘고가 있고, 산다 죽는다, 내 것이다 아니다가 있고

원수가 있고 사랑하는 자가 있다.

이 마음은 허의 마음인 사진이 그 주인이 되어 살아가고 있기에

인간은 가짜의 자식으로 태어나서 가짜의 세계에 살다가

없는 가짜세계로 가니 죽어 버리고 마는 것이라.

이 인간이 완성이 되려면 가짜세계를 버리고

이 세상의 지구, 달, 별, 태양을 버리고 공기 중 물질마저 없애면

그 자리가 바로 하나님 부처님 한얼님의 자리인 창조주의 자리다.

이 자리에서 보면 천지 일체가 있어도 본바닥인 이 자리요,

없어도 본바닥인 이 자리다.

그래서 인간은 마음이 세상과 하나가 되어 있지 않기에

자기 마음에서 보면 수만 가지가 있는 세상이고,

근원인 본래 자리에서 보면 세상은 하나인 것이다.

천지만물이 없어도 하나요, 천지만물이 있어도 하나이다.

이것은 그 마음이 본래로 돌아가

그 마음이 참마음이 된 자만 알 것이다.

우 명(禹明) 선생은 마음수련 창시자로서, 인간 내면의 성찰과 본성 회복, 화해와 평화에 기여한 공로로 2002년 UN-NGO 세계 평화를 위한 국제교육자협회로부터 ‘마하트마 간디 평화상’을 수상했습니다. 저서로 <이 세상 살지 말고 영원한 행복의 나라 가서 살자> <진짜가 되는 곳이 진짜다> <살아서 하늘사람 되는 방법> <하늘이 낸 세상 구원의 공식> <영원히 살아 있는 세상> <세상 너머의 세상> 외 영역본 등 다수가 있습니다.

외국어

That haggard and patronizing guy became completely gentle and caring

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I first met Ji Hun when I began high school, and because of his casual appearance and unusual behavior he seemed to be an awkward and carefree guy. But whenever we had exams he would change completely. With incredible concentration, he would take first or second place in the standings, and he also won prizes from national mathematics and science contests; causing his classmates to be envious and jealous of his knowledge. He was a level headed person who used his brain and could understand everything, and would agree with something only if he saw proof. When his classmates would ask him for answers to questions they didn’t know, he would tease them saying “How could you be ignorant of this?” And they would respond with “Well aren’t you a know-it-all!”             

But when we were in our second year at the university, I felt a change in Ji Hun. In high school his nerves had always been on edge and his health was not very good. But now he seemed comfortable in his life, and he was more caring. He even would buy me meals and helped with my laundry and packing.

“What?” I thought. “He didn’t used to be warm hearted and caring like this,” But the oddest thing was that, totally opposite from his normal character of believing only in scientific and rational things, I heard that he was doing meditation.

He said: “I realized that things that I knew could also be wrong,” and I was really surprised when, in all seriousness, he opened up to me and told me his story.

After that I frequently sought Ji Hun’s opinion. I even went to see him when I suffered hardships because I didn’t know what to do after finishing my stint in the army. I told him that perhaps because of my memories of being severely scolded by my parents when I was a child, I was not decisive enough when I needed to be, and that I wanted to throw away this mind that I had. Then Ji Hun, who never recommended anything of which he was unsure, recommended Maum Meditation.

I took his advice and went to the Maum Meditation center straight away. Because I was so stressed out, I felt thankful that there was a method to throw away one’s mind, and I did my best there. After two or three days I definitely felt that those tough minds had been discarded. What a hectic life I had led until now! I had tried to change the situations and the environment according to the way I wanted them to be, but the world wasn’t going to change to match my mind. Inside the infinite world of the universe, this little insignificant me had been trying to live its 70 or 80 odd years of life as it pleased, so it was a lonely me against the world situation.

In the meditation I threw away my mind of inferiority and all the distracting thoughts. I realized I could become the mind that accepted all situations in the world, and the mind of doing the best possible for the whole world.

Afterwards I realized that Ji Hun was a person who not only enjoyed but also concentrated on every moment of a given situation, and that was why he could use his abilities in a critical moment. I also realized that I had only been envious and jealous of his success because I thought he played around and did everything effortlessly only because he had a smarter brain than mine. I am so sorry and embarrassed about that, my friend. I truly apologize.

Holding onto a great plan inside the mind doesn’t make it come to realization. But results naturally follow when we try our best, give 100%, in any particular situation. And I think that happiness is a life in which one knows to be thankful for everything. I would like to express my gratefulness to Maum Meditation, which led me to know the most commonsensical and universal principle of the world, and to my friend who introduced me to Maum Meditation.  

Park Gun, Office Worker

외국어

Kyung Mi Kim

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She should have been full of life in her youth, but she was anxious and nervous all the time. Apparently there was nothing wrong, but she felt she had a problem in her mind. Her mind was always heavy and felt weighed down, and she desperately wanted to escape from it. So she(now 31) started Maum Meditation at the age of 23. Now all those heavy minds, which felt as though they were carrying all the worries in the world, have totally disappeared. She realized that the world was originally bright and full of light, and that she had been living caught inside her own mind world. Kim Kyung Mi tells her story of how she came to live in the happy original world.

My mind had always been anxious and nervous. I always had lots of thoughts and anxiety before an exam, the posting of the results, or indeed, confronting anything. All my life my friends would ask “Why do you have such a lot of worries?” My anxious and nervous mind continued even into my time in high school. So I went to see a doctor, but he didn’t think my condition was significant, even though it was to me.  

At least once in my life I wanted to laugh genuinely. When I heard about Maum Meditation throwing away the mind I immediately started. Then I began to know that my suffering came about because I was trying to live in this world by my own self. The universe, the world, was aware of feeding me, dressing me, and raising me. But I didn’t believe in the universe, even though it was already one with me. After realizing that, I truly became comfortable because now I just needed to live according to nature’s flow instead of struggling to live by my own way.

Because I was the eldest child my parents expected a lot from me. They were always telling me that as the eldest I should always do well, should always study diligently, and should always be polite. It was very suffocating to live that way. I could not live up to my parent’s high expectations of me and I just wanted to escape from it. I took up drawing to ease those minds, and that chance act led me to major in graphic design. I would draw pretty characters such as princesses, but I would also draw very evil creatures too. After recalling those thoughts in my meditation, I discovered that all those images were my mind. I longed to be good natured, but on the opposite side I was full of hatred and resentment. Now my drawings have completely changed. From now on I hope that my drawings will not be just drawing on a pad of paper, but a journey to show the most beautiful drawings to the world.

I came to know about Maum Meditation through my best friend at the university. I started meditation as soon as I graduated in March, 2004. I didn’t know why or where it came from, but I felt very comfortable. Until then I had never been comfortable like that before. As I threw away the fear and worries, they really became thrown away. Those minds had ruled me for over 20 years, but I was able to feel that they were getting emptied and that was so amazing, and I was filled with gratitude. I looked deep inside my mind and knew that it was the feeling of inferiority that controlled my mind the most. I had inferiority about love. My mother told me that one time she heard my younger sister crying and she found me biting my baby sister. I guess I had a lot of mind in my sub consciousness in my childhood, and also that I lost my love for my sister. Because I wanted to be loved more than others, I was always jealous of girls prettier than me, or doing better than me. So I never could get out of that fearful and anxious mind. I wanted to totally discard all my narrow-minded thoughts without anything left behind. I was desperate, so I meditated very hard to throw away inferiority, pride, desire to be loved, and being greater than others. Due to that diligent throwing away I could break away from those narrow-minded thoughts. It was like a miracle to me.  

Previously, I could never believe in people. I just hated the existence of people. I had a fear that people would turn away from me if I made even the smallest mistake. Fearfully, I would think what if that person hated me because of my mistake? Because of that tension I wasn’t comfortable with relationships with others.

While doing the meditation I recalled one incident with my closest friends in the elementary school 6th grade. I made some kind of mistake, and my friends quit talking to me. Instead, they began talking in whispers to each other and I cried all day long. The impact of that event influenced my whole life because I didn’t want to be hurt again. The first time it came up in my meditations it did not disappear very well. But as I continued discarding that mind those happenings disappeared from my mind and I could be completely free from that scar.

If I have hatred and resentment in my mind, I can only see hatred and resentment. If I have the universe in my mind I can see others as the universe and treat them as such. As I came to see the universe inside everybody the center of my distrust disappeared and I could truly love others.

As I threw away that existence of Kim Kyung Mi, who had lived before in that narrow frame of mind, truly a new world opened up to me. My home, my husband, and all the people around me were not the people I used to know. Instead they were like new people that I had never met.

These days I am helping out at my husband’s pharmacy during the day and in the evening I go to the meditation center with my mother-in-law. I received a lot of help from others while I was meditating and now I want to help others, because coming out of one’s own mind world is a formidable task. Since I went through that process and know how hard it is, I would like to be at least a little helpful. When I see people who get out of their mind world and become more free and happy I become truly happy as well.

마음특강 외국어

In Order To Go To The True World

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I can hear birdsong there are birds even in this bleak desert, as well as snakes, deer, squirrels and mice. It does not rain, so the trees are alive but tough, changed into trees of thorns.

Near the spring, the trees and grass have grown as much as they have had water to drink. People live in the desert because it is dry and the climate is good, particularly for old people who suffer from the cold or neuralgia. Throughout the long ages, everything that has lived have all disappeared, as have their forms; they have returned to nature that is the origin. Nature came into creation because within it there exists a consciousness – the original foundation. The master of the original foundation must come as a person if all creations of the world and people are to be taken to the land of the original foundation. The whole world can be saved, when everything in the world is destroyed and eliminated and only the original foundation remains. And when the master of the original foundation exists in one’s mind, all creations – the world – are resurrected and can be reborn as the substance of the original foundation. Man lives in his own mind and cannot reach the original foundation because his consciousness is dead; this state is in itself an illusion and hell. He lives in his mind world and within it, he continuously goes through the cycle of birth and death; this is suffering and burden.

If this mind world and his self living in it disappears, he can see the original foundation while he is living, and he can get there. Man can live in the land of the original foundation, only when the master of the original foundation allows him to live. What this means is that a Savior must come, in order for the world to be saved. Rebirth and resurrection is to be reborn and resurrected as the Soul whose substance is Truth; for only this is true rebirth and true resurrection. Man must go to the land of Truth that is inside his mind if he is to be born in the world, and he must be reborn in this land of Truth inside his mind. The trees in the mountains may grow old and die, disappear after crumbling into many pieces, but the Universe remains. In the same way, even if the whole world disappears, the Universe still exists.

Only when man is reborn as the substance of the original foundation of all creation can he become an eternally living immortal, and when he exists in the land of Truth inside him, he will never die. When a person has become reborn while he is living in the true land within him, his body becomes a temple. His true self lives within it so he does not die. None of the creations in the world have any minds, and thus they return to nature, but because man lives within his mind, he cannot return to nature that is Truth. He lives in his delusional mind, suffering and burdened – this is what hell is. Heaven is the world that exists outside one’s self and his mind world. When one’s mind world and self do not exist, and he returns to the true world, the master of the true world must resurrect him in that place and allow him to live there; only then can he actually live in that land.

Drawings and writings by Woo Myung

Woo Myung founded Maum Meditation. For his outstanding dedication to the service of humanity, he was awarded the Mahatma Gandhi Peace Award by the United Nations International Association of Educators for World Peace (IAEWP) in 2002. He is the author of numerous books including World Beyond World and The Way To Become A Person In Heaven While Living which have been published in English. His other books, Where You Become True Is The Place Of Truth, Heaven’s Formula For Saving The World, The Living Eternal World, The Book Of Wisdom, Mind, Nature’s Flow and The Enlightened World are in the process of being translated into English as well as Chinese, French, German, Italian, Japanese, Portuguese, Spanish and Swedish.