Husband: Seong-jun Moon Wife: Yeong-hee Jeon
But strangely enough, when I heard the news that he had passed his examination I was not happy at all. I was having meaningless days just like always. What could be the problem? This was the moment I had been waiting for, in spite of all the hardships I had been through. One of my colleagues suggested that I try Maum Meditation. So I began practicing it, trying to get away from my agony.
My life was nothing but “pretending to be nice.” I kept saying yes, but actually I was accumulating all the complaints about things in my mind. If anything went wrong, then it would explode in my face and those feelings would last for a long, long time. Because I was expecting more than I had sacrificed I couldn’t be happy with anything nice my husband did for me.
It must have been so hard for him to live with a wife who could never be satisfied. I was torturing him because I had the thoughts that I had sacrificed myself for him.
With Maum Meditation I was able to take out from my mind the resentment I felt, and also the expectation that I wanted to be recognized, even if I hadn’t said anything.
Now, I can appreciate the fact that I have a person right at my side who always silently keeps me safe.
But at that time the cruellest part of my life began. While living separate from my wife and children I studied for my examination. But the results were not what I expected. I was losing my honour and dignity and had spent money for nothing because for two years I kept failing the examination.
I finally succeeded in my examination and became a middle school physical education teacher. I thought since my biggest goal had been accomplished everything would go fine from then on. But I was always tired, and this made it hard to communicate with my wife.
One day I realised that even though we lived together, we lived in different worlds. I couldn’t stand the fact that even though we lived together we kept telling different stories about our lives. I wanted to do something, anything with her. So I followed my wife into Maum Meditation.
To be honest, since she had met me, my wife had not had her own life. She gave up her dream of studying abroad, and lived on a tight budget while raising the children and supporting me. All she wanted was some attention from me, some recognition that she was carrying a big burden by herself. But I didn’t realize this. I selfishly insisted that “it is the husband’s job to make the money, and the wife’s to raise the children.” With Maum Meditation I was able to discard myself who had that mind and the thought that I had to do this well. Then, I became light hearted and happy.
Was it because I became more flexible, more accepting? Now I can feel the same way she does, and I pay more attention to her. We are living in the same world now, wherever we are.
“Sweetheart, we were blind to each other. We couldn’t really know each other even though we lived together under the same roof. Now, thanks to you, I feel so happy to have the same mind as yours. Thanks for being with me. I love you!”